The Spy caption for this picture, taken after a celebrity auction, was, "Shaquille O'Neal shows off his new $75 a week houseboy." Pretty funny, but surely you can do better than that! So click here to mail me your caption for this picture of Bill getting carried away, Armani shoes and all. I'll put the funny ones on this page, although I will probably not have time to reply to individual messages. I've gotten some great ones so far:

Hey, Mr. Big! I said I wanted a snaq not a shaq!
(from bolinb@cadvision.com)

Fame and Fortune Have Gone To His Head!
Bill Insists on Being Carried Everywhere.
(from rhoadsc@fast.net [Christine J. Rhoads])

Obviously, this is a picture of Bill Gates's new book - The Road Ahead, Part II...Lost in Cyberspace.
(from schen@cnct.com [Sherman Chen])

Shaq sez: "I'm gonna slam dunk this muthafuc*a..."
(from superdan@krypton.mankato.msus.edu [Dan Bailey])

Shaq's new laptop
(from 103043.1271@compuserve.com)

Bill smiled as the baby sitter said, "If you go to bed now like a good boy, Billy, I'll tell your parents and maybe they will let you play with the computer tomorrow."
(from nightbrd@humboldt1.com [Doug Myers])

The seven-foot-tall baketball center denies reports he married for money.
(from tussing@husc.harvard.edu [Justin Tussing])

"Good, and another million if you give me a piggy back ride to Burger King."
(from fnotaro@castle.net [Frank Notaro])

Take me to your barber, I could use a haircut like yours...
(from ssax@spider.lloyd.com)

A LIGHT SNACK
(from kitkat4888@aol.com)

..and the geeks shall inherit the earth...
(from bmarefat@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu [Babak Marefat])

Shaquin' up with Bill
(from ktribble@coe.uga.edu [Kelly Tribble])

Arnold and Danny DeVito move over...it's "Twins: The Second Batch"!
(from ooch@wam.umd.edu [Ooch])

Evidently, money CAN buy everthing!
(from gwalker@bml.ca [Graham Walker])

After borowing a pair of Armani's from O.J., Shaq puts his shine boy back up on the shelf.
(from Italian300@aol.com [George Mancuso])

"Look Bill, no hands!"
(from mscarne@postoffice.utas.edu.au [Matt])

"He's really got nice hands!" --Bill Gates
(from davnad@cbvcp.com [Nadeen and David Warren])

Shaq says, "Shut up and smile for the camera - you weigh more than an XT and you're twice as slow!"
(from cpage@iinet.net.au [Clint Page])

"He ain't heavy...He's my brutha!"
(from mrfixit@cdsnet.net [Marty])

"Where did you say the shredder was?"
(from ralph@falcon.cc.ukans.edu [Ralph P. Reed])

"That's right. 1/2 the profits from 95, or I drop you again."
(from obremski@fdu.edu [Greg Obremski])

Shaq: Admit that 95 sucks, or I break you like a fuckin twig.
Gates: YesSIR!
(from shadwrnr@jax-inter.net [Holden Shearer])

I'll show ya how ta slam dork!
(from TAronson@ci.hemet.ca.us [Tom Aronson])

Uhhh, Ma'am, you dropped this a couple of miles back from the top of your car, is it yours?
(from nap@stic.net)

Hey Mom, look what I found - - - can I keep him . . . ?
(from kellyjp@ibm.net)

"Bill, it's just a publicity shot..GET YOUR HAND OFFA MY BALLS!!"
(from dblake@stellar.bc.ca [Dave Blake])

Bill Gates demonstrates what critics fear will happen if the new Microsoft "Point-and-Click" Constitution is adopted by Congress.
(from bsummers@telepath.com [Bob Summers])

Shaq, If you drop me, you'll find out why I'm left handed.
(from cja1@airmail.net [C.J. Armstrong])

Once over the threshold, it's legal!
(submitted by sharkmaw@eden.com [Laura Shaw] for a friend who wishes to remain anonymous)

Satan says your time's up, you've got to go!
(from sharkmaw@eden.com [Laura Shaw])

Cash & carry
(from lucky@stpb.soft.net)

We've got to quit meeting like this!
(from SynQu@aol.com)

Shaq: "Umm...miss...remember to bring a shovel the next time you walk your dog."
(from gameboy@kfmw.net [Robert Swackhamer])

"Was it really you that said Netscape Navigator users were sissies, Bill?"
(from mcspencer@direclynx.net [Mark Spencer])

"See, I told you I could; he isn't that heavy. Now, you hold him, Steve, while I get the shovel." --Shaq to Steve Jobs
(from shaycrk@mother.com)

Shaq: "I found him on the lawn holding a lantern again!"
(from quincy@ccnn.net [Quincy])

After buying Windows '95 and getting fed up with using the Microsoft helpline, Shaq desperately decides to take tech support into his own hands.
(from toasters@znet.com [mike])

"Gee, I never thought 20 billion dollars would ever feel this light!"
(from icom@cadvision.com [Armando Ruggeri])

[cover of Forbes] SPECIAL ISSUE: The things money can buy but we'd rather not know about
(from pmarker@raider.grcc.cc.mi.us)

"...Which way to the window?"
(from TIER-1@worldnet.att.net [Agent])

"I love him as much as all my other kids, he's just a little different."
(from kchern@vossnet.co.uk)

"I warned you, one way or the other I WILL get Microsoft product support."
(from Michael.Lewin@cern.ch [Mike Lewin])

After a few hands of five card stud, settling with the lawyers, accountants, Bill gets carried home with just the clothes on his back.
(from lost@wwa.com [lost on the net])

"Hey everybody, look what I found in the 'hood! A cute l'il *white* boy! Let's have a cook out!"
(from aitch@ozemail.com.au [Paul Hallett])

DROP HIM SHAQ! Preferably down a 100 mile gorge. I want my Mac back! AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
(from conniegn@microlink.net [Connie Goodnow])

"If I put a lantern in his hand, do you think the neighbors will be upset if I put him on the front lawn? "
(from CFubar@aol.com)

"But Shaqy, I don't want to take a bath!"
(from 1120vmx1@inet.westshore.cc.mi.us [VmadameX])

Slam This!
(from user2@m.batc.tec.ut.us [User2])

Bill, I'll give you 10 seconds to move your hand, or I WILL slam dunk ya!
(from banks2@discover-net.net [Dick Banks])

"Hey, Shaq,... is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
(from johnl@omeganet.es [John and MaAngeles Love])